4:44

        Today was the lingering of yesterday sort of gestating inside of me. Maybe I was a little sluggish from a slow start at the La Quinta too, but whatever it was the day felt different. I was more sad I think, just generally. We listened to MLK's letter from Birmingham Jail and I thought it was well written and struck a chord with me, but a chord I have not quite figured out how to articulate yet. We walked through Kelly Ingram Park and I had heard a story of one of the sculptures at the park by Malcolm Gladwell, so it was cool and beautiful to see up close. (Enclosed is a picture.) We headed to the museum and it probably was the most informative I had seen. I really enjoyed it and only wish that we could spend more time there. 

         We met up with activists Cleopatra Goree, Barbara Mines and Catharine Burks-Brooks next, over a lunch of fried chicken and an odd colored but excellent tasting juice. I loved talking to Barbara. She contributed to the movement in a meaningful way by participating in the Children's March, but also carved out a job and a livelihood. She was rebellious and prosperous. I admired that a lot and see her as a role model of sorts. I think when she spoke, it tied me back to this idea of not even handling criticism in the Movement, but in handling what is perceived as humiliation in it. 

          A Letter From Birmingham Jail was MLK at his lowest, with his white clergymen seemingly ashamed of him or afraid of him. It seems the same for everyone we met today, including Roscoe Jones. Humiliation is the ultimate driver of change in my mind. Today I experienced petite amounts of humiliation in jokes gone awry and games lost but even in those situations it makes you question where you stand in your present community, in the world around you. So when humiliation is like an old friend, what then? What then when indignities are a part of your everyday life? Then going against the status quo hardly seems like a decision at all. 

      Today I felt at my most unsettled, not even with the content surrounding me but personally, with me for the first time on this trip trying to juggle what took place in school today along with hearing the brains of the Civil Rights Movement for hours on end. I know from the people we met that I have to do something for others, and I should always put others before myself. Sometimes I don't always think that I do, especially in things such as talking about Civil Rights. At times I am impatient with people, as I feel that what they are saying may be redundant or unproductive. That's nonsense, and it also closes me off to criticism and improvement. 

        I am not at ease with myself in any way, dealing with relationships and the future, managing what I have now pretty poorly. This was sort of a jumble of thoughts I've had tonight and throughout the day, and not entirely reflective of the day at large. We spent 5 hours on the bus from Birmingham to what I believe is now Jackson, MS. I played a game called Stop which I lost so many times it's hard to count. We ate at Western Sizzlin' in Meridian and listened to Vietnam Vet and Freedom Project leader Roscoe Jones speak. We watched Rob Reiner's Ghosts of Mississippi. I feel sort of small at this point in time, feeling like I've been unhelpful in aiding causes today as well as being there for my friends and family. Maybe that feeling will change, but probably not tomorrow, as we begin our descent into the Mississippi Delta. (Also enclosed is a picture of me with Barbara Mines.)