I Don’t Think I Could’ve Made It

It’s hard to put into words how many things I saw, thought, and felt today. I saw a church service at the Ebenezer Baptist Church, (MLK’s family church) where I saw tremendous amounts of welcome, love, openness, and rejoicing. At the end, we all joined hands across the aisles and sang together. I found it inspiring and refreshing to hear the minister speak so openly. I think it poisons and worsens issues like racism when people tiptoe around them all the time. There was a quote I read today by MLK that said we can only fix these problems when we force them out into the open; I wish the people in my community back at home were that honest and direct. I kept thinking that if I lived in the Atlanta area, I would start attending church so that I could go there every week. I had never been to a church service that moved me so much. I felt so much love all around me. That was kind of a theme today: with each stop I am loving this incredible trip and all of these wonderful people more and more. From the first church I went to another church (who’s name has unfortunately escaped me) where I saw and heard Rev. Andrew Young. He said many things that made me think about myself personally and about the tangled issues of discrimination we are trying to confront. First of all, he quoted MLK, saying, “Nothing is more dangerous an all the world than serious ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” I thought about that and I realized that this is indeed the root of many problems. I think people feel safe when they don’t have to challenge their assumptions. They deny problems. I think people in this country have gotten too scared or too stuck in the ideas and lives they already have and they don’t want to change anything. Or, if they do, they only change the visible issues, without getting to the root of a problem. I think Rev. Young was right when he said that people want simple answers and they want to feel safe. But he said that if you’ve been given blessings, you have to pass them on to the world, which I agree with 100 percent. I left this session feeling a little bit overwhelmed. I just don’t know where to start. What is the root of the problem of bigotry? Our society is broken in so many ways and it’s going to be so hard to go about righting it.

The last thing I saw today was the Center for Human and Civil Rights. I saw and experienced so many things there. There was a collection of MLK’s papers from the day he was killed, covered with her a bloodstains. There was an interactive mirror wall with video stories of human oppression. There were many things that had an impact on my thoughts and feelings, but I want to focus on the sit-in simulation. For this simulation, I sat behind a lunch counter, put on headphones, placed my hands on the countertop, and closed my eyes. It was far more intense than I’d expected. All around me were hateful, terrifying voices and they were hurting other people. I could literally feel them breaking plates, kicking my chair, and breathing on the back of my neck. Even though I knew it wasn’t real, I jumped every time something happened and I was tearing up a lot. Quite honestly, if I had been doing that in real life, knowing I could be killed or hurt, I don’t think I could have made it. It’s easy to see why it’s so hard to change situations when fixing them means putting yourself in such danger. It was very humbling to see myself in comparison with the incredible bravery of those who did accomplish the real sit-ins. I gained a new appreciation for what it really meant and what it really took to take the movement as far as it went. Overall, I went through a huge range of emotions today, from joy and love to fear, sadness, and confusion. This doesn’t even begin to cover everything from today; I’ve learned and experienced so much. Perhaps my favorite part of the day has been discussing everything with the others on this trip. Right now, I wish it never had to end.

-Rachael