Why I Signed the Wall


Today was an emotional roller coaster and I did so much processing and thinking that I can never fit it all into one reflection. We went through Montgomery and Selma, Alabama today. We went to the Rosa Parks Museum, the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Civil Rights Memorial, a bus tour of Selma, the Brown Memorial Church, a confederate/KKK cemetery, and the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Throughout the day I’ve felt such a wide range of emotions. At the Rosa Parks museum, I went more slowly than I ever have before. I wanted to read and discuss everything with the people I walked through it with. There were many incredible quotes, but one thing that stuck with me is the process these people went through of making their beliefs into their lifestyles. Traci shared with me that MLK kept guns in his house at one point while he was leading a nonviolent movement and Bayard Rustin showed him how hypocritical that was. On a wall near where I stood, there was a poster about Dr. King’s epiphany in which he said that he only felt true religion when he was faced with a bomb threat and a really hard choice. That hit me because it showed me that even though he was a leader in his cause he sometimes had doubts. That was reassuring because today I felt very conflicted. At some points I felt energized and inspired and strong and at other times I questioned what I was feeling and how much I believed in my causes. It’s very hard to find inner strength and I struggled with that today. I was lucky to have the understanding and support of my friends here. I love this group of people so much and I think we can accomplish great things together. It’s really hard and we all have doubts and fears and hurts. There are times when I don’t think I can do anything or when it feels too hard. When we were at the Civil Rights Memorial, I read a story about a little boy who was killed and afterwards I couldn’t stop crying. That’s why I put my name on the wall of tolerance: because I won’t live in a society where children are in constant fear for their lives.

-Rachael


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